Last week’s debacle against the Hoosiers sticks with me like a rock in my croc. I can’t shake the feeling of watching that kick go wide left or the Surrat slant going for a touchdown. Those felt like things that never happened to the Hawks, especially as home underdogs. It’s just been one of those years for Iowa. I really am confused more than anything. What did we do to upset the football gods? We’ll never know.
To relinquish the punishment we’ve been handed, I will make the perfect power rating for the Big Ten conference. It’s a lot of responsibility, but I’m up to the task. Here’s where the power ratings stand today.
1: Oregon
5-0, BYE WEEK
You beat the champs, you become the champs. Admittedly, I am an original Big Ten supremicist and putting Oregon hurts me slightly. The undeniable truth is that Oregon has it rolling. Dan Lanning is the best coach in the country by leaps and bounds. Lanning took the Ducks into Happy Valley, and they appeared to be unflappable. The Ducks’ signal caller, Dante Moore, was looking Heisman worthy in his performance on Saturday night. Oregon is riding a wave starting to look more like a tsunami by the day.
2: Ohio State
4-0, Vs. Minnesota
The Buckeyes took care of business in Seattle, cruising to a 24-6 victory. From the first whistle, Ohio State showed why they’re on a different level than the Huskies. The defense was stingy, shutting down the (former) top-rated offense in the country. Offensively, the Buckeyes are serviceable. Don’t expect them to be in any shootouts because the defense is spectacular. Ohio State passed its second test of the year with flying colors.
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3: Penn State
3-1, @UCLA
Big game James Franklin does it again. It’s such a tired storyline, but it couldn’t be truer. Franklin is under fire from the fanbase over their whiteout loss on Saturday. Franklin is likely safe, but I can understand the fanbase’s frustrations. Having the rug pulled out from underneath you every time has to feel like torture. Drew Allar is losing money the more he shows his true colors. With all the doom and gloom, the Nitany Lions are still an excellent football team.
4: Michigan
3-1, Vs Wisconsin
Biff Poggi is turning back into a pumpkin, and Sherrrone Moore is taking over the reins again. The Wolverines should have little to worry about as the Badgers are coming to town on Saturday. Michigan opens up as a 16.5 favorite at home. The Wolverines should take advantage of a depleted Badger squad; it’ll be a resounding Michigan victory on Saturday.
5: Indiana
5-0, BYE WEEK
Whatever they beat us. Mendoza has ice water in his veins. The Hoosiers showed us that they are very much mortals. The Hawks lost that game more than Indiana won it. The Hoosiers now enter a bye week undefeated with a top 10 ranking. Cignetti earned a week off from me being his biggest hater, so I’ll have to wait until next week.
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6: USC
4-1, BYE WEEK
You can go right to the comment section to crucify me right now. But Zach, how is USC above Illinois after losing to them? Well, reader, my metric for a power rating is who I would take to win on a neutral site. As time was expiring, USC lost on the road across the continent. The Trojans would hold on for the win if this were the Idaho Potato Bowl. Jayden Maiava was spectacular in a difficult spot. Lincoln Riley continues to crank out uber-productive quarterbacks in Los Angeles. The defense forced a couple of turnovers, but ultimately, Illinois had all the motivation in the world at home. The Trojans will be fine, especially when midwestern teams must make the trek.
7: Illinois
4-1, @ Purdue
Illinois sympathisers, please don’t take this as disrespect. The Illini have a lot of guts for responding to getting slapped around by Indiana. They nearly tried to lose the game, giving up 14 unanswered points in the fourth quarter. The veteran presence in Illinois helped compose them on the last drive. The small things are what the Illini do best, along with Luke Altmeyer being an absolute dog. Altmeyer threw for 328 yards, three total touchdowns, and most importantly, no turnovers. Illinois will be able to win a bunch of games if it can’t keep it close and let Altmeyer and the boys work their magic.
8:Iowa
3-2, BYE WEEK
As frustrating as the Hawks were on Saturday, they can hang around with the big dogs. The stupid mistakes that lost us the game can be easily fixed. The snap and hold on Stevens’s last attempt is a small detail that typically Iowa football would have nailed down. The Hawks are also starting to pile up injuries, including Gronkowski. You really hate to see Gronkowski go down, especially as he seemed to be figuring it all out. We might’ve missed the bus on a chance to win a ranked game. The black and gold need to get healthy as soon as possible. The bye week couldn’t come at a better time: ice up, boys.
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9: Washington
3-1, @Maryland
The Huskies laid an egg in their shot at the champs on Saturday. Nothing was going for the Huskies all day on offense. Washington totaled a whopping 234 yards of offense against the top unit in the country. There’s not much to say when the reigning champs chew you up and spit you out like the Buckeyes did. The only thing you can do is win the next game. The Huskies will be at Maryland on Saturday as 5.5-point favorites. For the middle tier of the Big Ten, the Huskies vs the Terrapins will be fun to watch.
10: Michigan State
3-1, @Nebraska
I absolutely love the Spartans this Saturday. The Spartans have been playing really high-quality football to start the year. Michigan State has a highly versatile offense. Quarterback Aidan Chiles will use his feet and arms in a good balance. Jonathan Smith clearly is starting to get the big green machine rolling again, and being disrespected by Vegas could propel them to an impressive road win. The Spartans are 11.5-point underdogs. I don’t see them covering the number.
11: Maryland
4-0, Vs Washington
The Terps are back in action at home against the Huskies. Maryland is starting to get a little shine for their early success, receiving seven votes in the AP top 25. There’s reason to be happy if you root for the Terrapins. Beating Washington would do enough for me to launch them into the top 25 and move up within the Big Ten. I’m not sure Maryland can win challenging games, but here is a perfect chance for them to prove me wrong.
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12: Nebraska
3-1, Vs Michigan State
Nebraska is hugely overrated. It doesn’t matter what talent you put in those jerseys, but it always finds a way to disappoint. The Huskers are heavy favorites over a frisky Michigan State at home on Saturday. You heard it here first: the Huskers will be in a tight one that’ll be decided deep into the fourth quarter.
13: Minnesota
4-1, @ Ohio State
I’m happy the Gophers got the chance to feel some happiness last week, beating Rutgers 31-28 last weekend, because this weekend will be a slaughter. I recommend those with young children at home not tune into the Gophers road game in Columbus this Saturday.
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14: Rutgers
3-2, BYE WEEK
[Sad Inarticulate Italian Noises]
15: Purdue
2-2, Vs Illinois
Good news, Purdue: you didn’t lose a game last weekend!
Bad news, Purdue: you are probably going to lose this weekend.
16: Wisconsin
2-2, BYE WEEK
Wisconsin somehow lost to the bye week last week. Not only did they lose to the bye week, but they’ll be front in center on Big Noon kickoff for Michigan to come and pulverize them. Ficklell might not even get a chance to lose to the Hawks one last time—sad time in Bucky world.
17: Northwestern
2-2, Vs UL Monroe
Northwestern won the Super Bowl! This week, the Wildcats must try hard not to lay a big, fat egg against the ULM Warhawks. The Warhawks will keep it way closer than it ought to be.
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18: UCLA
0-4, Vs Penn State
Not worth the movement of my fingers on a keyboard.
The Hawks need to take this week to heal, and we need to take it to enjoy some stress-free football on Saturday. Happy bye week, everyone.
