Week 10 College Football Guide: Don’t Watch This; Watch That

D2 and D3 football rankings are here, now let’s appreciate some good games and silly rivalries.

I’m fairly confident this was an accident by the ESPN schedule crew, but scrolling the D-II and D-III schedules for this week, I stumbled upon this:

And what a world it would be if, instead of having to watch Penn State-Ohio State, the good folks of the greater Grand Rapids Metropolitan Area and DeVos-VanAndel Billboard Hub would be treated to a Sag State-Daveport game on network television.

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That, plus three Top 25 matchups in the D-III Wisconsin Intercollege Athletics Conference (WIAC) this weekend, reminded me of something I’ve mentioned once before, the 1982 UW-Stout/UW-Oshkosh game, televised nationally due to an NFL strike. At the time, the Stout Blue Devils were playing a unique defense they called “Radar”—which I had the pleasure of learning from a former Stout player who co-owned a brewery in Milwaukee, Urban Harvest (which you should go to)—where the entire defensive line started each play in two-point stances.

Recently, someone made the full game available on YouTube, and it’s worth a glimpse:

There’s a great moment, at the 32:20 mark, where the announcers discuss both a 25-year-old player for Stout—a veteran, married—and there’s a shot, too, of the Blue Devils coach wearing a great “Devil Country” hat that they should absolutely bring back. (If you need, a really nice punt follows this sequence, so just watch for a couple minutes. And shout-out, too, to the great “Hi Moms” sign along one of the fences.)

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Last note in the world of Upper Midwestern D-II and D-III football: IT’S NORTHERN SUN RIVALRY WEEK.

Rest in peace to a few of those trophies—the Bone and the Training Kit, trophies contested by the now-defunct St. Cloud State Huskies with, respectively, the Minnesota-Duluth Bulldogs and the Minnesota State-Mankato Mavericks. I’ll call your attention, though, to two trophies on offer for winners this week, both of which could be won by a team called the Beavers:

The BIG LAKE Trophy: Minot State-University of Mary

The Minot State Beavers dominated this new rivalry—the UMary Marauders formed their team in 2009—throughout the 2010s, but you throw those records out the window when THIS is on the line:

North Dakota has, you might be able to ascertain, a BIG LAKE in the middle of it—that’s Lake Sakakawea, created in the 1950s by the Army Corps of Engineers-built Garrison Dam. It’s more or less the geographic feature between Minot—the Magic City!—and Bismarck, where UMary is located.

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All you need, then, is a trophy, a big wooden block, and a table from the Bismarck Community Bowl, and brother, you’ve got yourself a D2 rivalry.

Sadly, the Bismarck Community Bowl is the name of the football stadium, not—as I’d hoped—a bowling alley from which UMary had stolen one single, sad folding table.

The BATTLE AXE: Bemidji State/Minnesota State-Moorhead

It’s time for the 77th go-round of the Battle for the Battle Axe(!) between the Beavers of Bemidji and the Dragons of Moorhead State. While the Dragons won the first matchup for the trophy in 1948—the rivalry dates back to 1929—and hold the all-time series lead, 38-34-3 (don’t ask me, Moorhead claims it’s the 77th meeting and that that’s the record), the Beavers have won held the Axe every year since 2018:

I hope everyone has a good time, no one gets hurt, and the people in charge of St. Cloud State pay for what they did to that university.

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Friday Evening

Don’t Watch This

Brown Bears at Penn Quakers (-10.5, O/U 51.5) [6pm, ESPNU]
#25 Memphis Tigers (-13.5, O/U 48.5) at Rice Owls [6pm, ESPN2]
Sam Houston Bearkats at Louisiana Tech Bulldogs (-16.5, O/U 48.5) [7pm, CBSSN]

{VB} Penn State at Michigan [5:30pm, BTN]
{VB} Oregon at Washington [10pm, BTN]

{Liga MX} Necaxa vs. Santos Laguna [8pm, TUDN]
{A-League} Auckland vs. Adelaide [11am, ESPN+]

Watch That

North Carolina Tar Heels at Syracuse Orange
6:30pm | ESPN | Syracuse -2.5 | O/U 45.5

#1 Nebraska Cornhuskers at #11 wisconsin badgers
8pm | BTN

Idaho Vandals at Northern Arizona Lumberjacks
9:30pm | ESPN2 | NAU -5 | O/U 55

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I get that the Lumberjacks—and their sweet-ass Walkup Skydome(!)—have the sole claim to the letters “NAU”. But since I see it, and I’m a child of the 90s and 2000s, you know what’s stuck in my head and what, by law, must also now be stuck in yours:

Saturday Morning

Don’t Watch This

Penn State Nittany Lions at #1 Ohio State Buckeyes (-19.5, O/U 44.5) [11am, B1G N00D]
#9 Vanderbilt Commodores at #20 Texas Longhorns (-3, O/U 46.5) [11am, ABC]
#10 Miami Fluoride Hurricanes (-10.5, O/U 50.5) at SMU Cocaineponies [11am, ESPN]
West Virginia Mountaineers at #22 Houston Cougars (-13.5, O/U 48.5) [11am, FS1]
————————thus ends the “upsets happening here” section————————
Army Black Knights (-1.5, O/U 49.5) at Air Force Falcons [11am, CBS]
UAB Blazers at UConn Huskies (-11.5, O/U 62.5) [11am, CBSSN]
UCF Citronauts at Baylor Bears (-3.5, O/U 59.5) [11am, ESPNU]
Buffalo Bulls at Bowling Green Falcons (-2.5, O/U 43.5) [11am, ESPN+]
Duke Blue Devils at Clemson Tigers (-3.5, O/U 54.5) [11am, ACCN]
Arizona State Sun Devils at Iowa State Dust Devils (-7.5, O/U 50.5) [12pm, TNT]

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D2/D3 Spotlight Game

#14 Findlay Oilers(!) at #24 Northwood Timberwolves
11am | GMAC on Flo

Best of luck to all involved here, as the 8-0 Oilers head around the lakes for Midland, Michigan, to take on the 7-1 Timberwolves.

Watch That

ILLINUTGERS X
11am | NBC | IL -12.5 | O/U 62.5

Navy Midshipmen at North Texas Mean Green
11am | ESPN2 | UNT -6.5 | O/U 65.5

There are going to be at least two upsets in those first four “Don’t Watch This” games—PSU-OSU, Vandy-Texas, Miami-SMU, and West Virginia-Houston. If I were picking, I’d say SMU and West Virginia win. Houston being ranked this deep into a season feels like a clerical error.

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Also, if SMU and Miami played for a big bag of cocaine (or cash, if you’re gonna go all PC on me), it would instantly be a Top 5 rivalry trophy of all time.

Saturday Afternoon

Don’t Watch This

East Carolina Pirates (-5.5, O/U 57.5) at Temple Owls [1pm, ESPN+]
#8 North Dakota (-11.5, O/U 51.5) at South Dakota Sungmanitu [1pm, ESPN+]
#16 Lhvl Crdnls (-10.5, O/U 52.5) at Virginia Tech Hokies [2pm, The CW]
Dartmouth Keggies at #12 Harvard Inflated Grades [2pm, ESPN+]
#13 Texas Tech Red Raiders (-7, O/U 51.5) at Kansas State Wildcats [2:30pm, FOX]
#2 Indiana Hoosiers (-21.5, O/U 50.5) at Maryland Terrapins [2:30pm, CBS]
#5 Georgia Bulldogs (-7.5, O/U 50.5) vs. Florida Gators [2:30pm, ABC]
#12 Notre Dame Fighting Irish (-28.5, O/U 56) at Boston College Eagles [2:30pm, ESPN]
Louisiana Ragin’ Cajuns at South Alabama Jaguars (-4, O/U 52.5) [2:30pm, ESPN+]
Michigan State Spartans at Minnesota Golden Gophers (-3.5, O/U 45.5) [2:30pm, BTN]
Fresno State Bulldogs at Boise State Broncos (-17.5, O/U 50.5) [2:30pm, FS1] — The Battle for the Milk Can
Pittsburgh Panthers (-14.5, O/U 51.5) at Stanford Cardinal [2:30pm, ACCN]
Old Dominion Monarchs (-16.5, O/U 55.5) at UL Monroe Warhawks [2:30pm, ESPN+]
New Mexico State Aggies at Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (-8.5, O/U 52.5) [2:30pm, ESPN+]
Delaware Fightin’ Blue Hens (+3, O/U 51.5) [2:30pm, CBSSN]
#15 Virginia Cavaliers (-5.5, O/U 52.5) at California Golden Bears [2:45pm, ESPN2]
Oklahoma State Cowboys at Kansas Jayhawks (-24.5, O/U 55.5) [3pm, ESPN+]
#2 Tarleton State Texans (-15.5, O/U 60.5) at #24 Abilene Christian Wildcats [3pm, ESPN+]

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D2/D3 Spotlight Games

#8 CSU Pueblo THUNDERWOLVES at #5 Western Colorado Mountaineers
2pm | RMAC Digital Network

#8 UW-Whitewater Warhawks at #9 UW-River Falls Falcons
1pm | WIAC Digital Network

Plenty of ranked-on-ranked violence across FCS, D-II, and D-III, so check out the full schedule at the bottom of the page.

Watch That

New Mexico Lobos at UNLV Rebels
2pm | Mountain West Network | UNLV -4.5 | O/U 61.5

Mississippi State Bulldogs at Arkansas Razorbacks
3pm | SECN | Arkansas -4.5 | O/U 66.5

Central Michigan Chippewas at Western Michigan Broncos
3pm | ESPNU | WMU -5.5 | O/U 42.5

Good for the University of South Dakota for both these helmets and the way in which they engaged Oglala Lakota elders and artists to make them:

The Battle for the Victory Cannon (MAC Edition) should also remind us that in just four days, MIDWEEK MACTION returns. Thanks for playing, C-USA and Fun Belt, but what we really need on our Tuesday nights is…

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• UMass at Akron [6pm, CBSSN]

• Miami Hydroxide at Ohio [6pm, ESPN2]

• Kent State at Bell State [6pm, ESPNU]

• Northern Illinois at Toledo [6pm, ESPN2]

I’ve made a terrible mistake.

Saturday Evening

Don’t Watch This

South Carolina Gamecocks at #7 Ole Miss Rebels (-12.5, O/U 55.5) [6pm, ESPN]
Purdue Boilermakers at #21 Michigan Wolverines (-21, O/U 48.5) [6pm, BTN]
Arizona Wildcats (-4, O/U 52.5) at Colorado Buffaloes [6pm, FS1]
Wyoming Cowboys at San Diego State Aztecs (-10.5, O/U 41.5) [6pm, CBSSN]
#8 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (-5.5, O/U 58.5) at NC State Wolfpack [6:30pm, ESPN2]
#18 Oklahoma Sooners at #14 Tennessee Volunteers (-2.5, O/U 55.5) [6:30pm, ABC]
Kentucky Wildcats at Auburn Tigers (-11, O/U 45.5) [6:30pm, SECN]
Wake Forest Demon Deacons at Florida State Seminoles (-10.5, O/U 51.5) [6:30pm, ACCN]
Arkansas State Red Wolves at Troy Trojans (-7.5, O/U 52.5) [7pm, ESPNU]

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D2/D3 Spotlight Games

#17 Angelo State Rams at #8 Central Washington Wildcats
8pm | FloCollege

Watch That

#23 USC Trojans at Nebraska Cornhuskers
6:30pm | NBC | USC -4.5 | O/U 59.5

Washington State Cougars at Oregon State Beavers
6:30pm | CBS | Wazzu -3.5 | O/U 47.5 | Pac-12 Championship Game

Oregon State is 1-7, with their only win a 45-13 triumph over FCS Lafayette in which the Leopards actually led, 13-10, at halftime.

That Wazzu is only favored by 3.5, even on the road, should tell you how excited I am for the NuPac-12 to be born. That conference is going to be ass, and—ruined college football landscape aside—I can’t wait.

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It’s late and I’m drunk…

Don’t Watch This

I dunno. Baseball, maybe? Hockey? You can tell me why I’m a bad person in the comments.

Watch That

#17 Cincinnati Bearcats at #24 Utah Utes
9:15pm | ESPN | Utah -10 | O/U 55.5

Hawai’i Rainbow Warriors at San Jose State Spartans
9:30pm | CBSSN | SJSU -1.5 | O/U 56.5

Congratulations to Timmy Chang and the ‘Bows getting to bowl eligibility. College football is more fun when the run-and-shoot is alive and well in Manoa, and the QB-WR combo of Micah Alejado and Pofele Ashlock is worth a watch.

Of course, San Jose State and Coach Ken have a nice little one-two to match in Wesley Eget and Danny Scudero, though results haven’t followed for the 2-5 Spartans, who’ve pissed away consecutive roadies at moribund Utah State and Wyoming along with a 30-29 heartbreaker against Stanford in the Bill Walsh Legacy Game. SJSU will need to get it together if they want to see a bowl—they’ve got Hawai’i, Air Force, and Nevada before a challenging pair of matchups at San Diego State and against Fresno to close out the schedule.

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Meanwhile: I’m fascinated by Cincinnati being a two-score underdog in Salt Lake City. The Utes have their usual red-assed, Kyle Whittingham-led defense, and QB Devon Dampier is just a blast to watch. But you can’t discount just how good Brendan Sorsby’s been at quarterback for the Bearcats: 20 TDs to 1 INT, 65% completions, and a threat to run as well.

Which reminds me: has YouTube TV’s multiview rendered this column even more useless than it already was? I find myself just giving an extra “Watch That” check almost every timeslot, since hey, just add a fourth game to the ol’ quad-box. Of course, given that YTTV and ESPN are pretending they can’t come to a deal just so each one can raise our subscription package rates even higher, maybe there’s no point to any of this.

Anyway. Trivia’s down below.

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MNW’s Lightly Plagiarized Trivia

1. Some teams in college athletics use different (non-“Lady” edition) names for their men’s and women’s athletics teams. Three such are Louisiana Tech, Hawai’i, Arkansas Tech. Name the women’s teams’ nicknames. (Name both, for Arkansas Tech.)

2. Modeled on Oxford’s Jefferson County, Yoknapatawpha County is a fictional Mississippi county created by what 20th-century Southern author?

3. Gary Burghoff, famous for playing Radar O’Reilly on M*A*S*H, later stood in for Charles Nelson Reilly on what long-running television game show?

4. The second full moon in October and November—this year, November 5—is known to deer hunters, in particular, as what moon, signifying that the whitetail mating season will be in full swing?

5. What now-unrecognizable institution claims its origins either at an antislavery meeting in Jackson, Michigan, or a schoolhouse in Ripon, Wisconsin?

Enjoy the games, everyone.