3 Signs You’re An Over-Involved Swim Parent: Let Your Child and Coach Do Their Thing
By Nicole Cassou, Swimming World College Intern
I must preface this list with one simple fact: Swimming is hard. I’m not just referring to the extraordinary level of discipline and commitment this sport demands of its athletes, but also of those athletes’ parents.
There are the early morning drives, the hours of sitting in that stuffy natatorium, and then finally, the meets. In the early days of my swimming career, my father used to affectionately describe meets as “waiting around for five hours watching kids you don’t give a crap about to see your kid swim for two minutes.”
Probably around the time I was 11, both of my parents’ attitudes about swimming had evolved to the point where they had become true fans of the sport. But they, like many parents in my own humble opinion, got a little too into it. It can be hard not to after all of those monotonous hours spent in the hot, chlorinated air.
One of the most important things a parent can do to ensure the longevity of their child’s swimming career is to let them own it early on, so that they can establish their own intrinsic motivation and development.
These three behaviors are just some of the traits I have seen in over-involved swim parents, but they are often the most detrimental. Self-awareness of these habits can help parents make sure they are giving their child the room to develop on their own, so that by the time their swimmers are driving themselves to practice, they’ll be going because they want to.
1. You know the opposition’s times, technique, and how they race.
While simply being in the know about the competition is fine, and can make meets more engaging, it can also lead to a toxic behavior that can undermine your swimmer’s confidence: sizing them up against the competition.
If you find yourself talking to your swimmer more about others’ races and times than their own, you will most likely leave them discouraged. I can assure you that most swimmers are constantly comparing themselves to their fellow teammates and competitors, so when their own parents start to do so, the path to getting as fast as that other kid can start to feel like an insurmountable challenge. This outlook can lead swimmers to anticipate practice not with the desire to improve, but with dread, fearful that the work they put in won’t get them to that other swimmer’s level of success that their parents keep raving about.
A healthier way to motivate your swimmer to be better is to simply ask what their coach thinks they should work on. For their next race, focus on looking for that technique element or pace change, not what the kid in the next lane is doing.
2. You talk to your swimmer’s coach one-on-one more than they do.
Whether this correspondence is by email or in person, any conversations about development, times, or technique should primarily remain on an athlete-coach basis.
Encouraging your swimmer to talk to their coach is one thing, but taking it upon yourself to have that talk with the coach is an entirely different story. It is absolutely crucial that young swimmers have the confidence to verbalize their goals and concerns to their coach. This skill will become of the upmost importance as swimmers mature, and large time drops become harder and harder to come by. Clear communication with a coach about individual needs will ultimately become what sets the stage for continued improvement.
3. You instruct your child on how to prepare for their race—mentally and physically.
Every athlete is different when it comes to race preparation. There are those who don’t even need to dip a single toe in the water for warm-up, while others need a full 20 minutes to swim right up until they race. Some will laugh and talk with teammates behind the blocks to stay calm, while others isolate themselves in a corner with headphones in.
Telling your swimmer when to warm-up and when to stop talking to their friends and focus might seem like harmless guidance, but it is up to them to discover what works. There is no way for a parent to know how their child should prepare so that they can be at their best. This will most likely be a process of trial-and-error, so patience like most things in parenting is key.
Overall, parents need to step back and let their children enjoy the process and discover the sport for themselves. There might be bumps, but that’s life, and lessons learned will prove beneficial for the future.
