Look, we all know what’s happening here. Callaway wants to say “Tecmo Bowl” but, you know, trademarks. So we get “Retro Football” instead. And honestly? I’m fine with it, because Tecmo Bowl is pound for pound the greatest football video game ever made, and anyone who disagrees can send me hate mail from their AOL account.
The Chrome Tour Retro Football collection features four pixel-inspired designs that “capture the nostalgia of classic gridiron action,” which is corporate speak for “we made your golf balls look like they’re running on a Nintendo from 1989.”
With an MSRP of $60 a dozen (you might get them cheaper), these are pricier than your standard Chrome Tour. Clearly not because of those licensing costs they’re obviously not paying. Must be the video game-themed packaging. Boxes aren’t cheap, people.
The Lineup
Every dozen features all four distinct player designs—three balls of each. Here’s who you’re getting:
Linebacker
This is Lawrence Taylor without saying it’s Lawrence Taylor. One of the most fierce, game-changing players to ever terrorize quarterbacks. The man redefined what it meant to play defense and shortened several careers in the process. If your golf ball could sack someone, this would be the one to do it.
Running Back
It’s Bo Jackson, folks. The greatest two-sport athlete of my generation and, as far as “retro football” is concerned, the most overcooked, unstoppable force in sports video game history. Anyone who played Tecmo Bowl knows the dirty secret: picking the Raiders and running with Bo was basically a cheat code. He’d break seven tackles, outrun the entire defense, and score from anywhere on the field. It was almost comically unfair. Your little brother probably cried about it. Mine did.
Quarterback
This would be John Elway, master of the fourth-quarter comeback and owner of perhaps the strongest arm in NFL history. The man could throw a football through a car wash and it would come out dry on the other side. In Tecmo Bowl, his passes traveled so fast they bent the space-time continuum. Or at least that’s how it felt when he torched your defense.
Wide Receiver
Jerry Rice. Look, I never appreciated him when he was playing. I was a Cowboys fan before Jerry Jones bought the team and ruined everything. Dude sucks. Cowboys suck. What was I saying? Oh right, Jerry Rice. The man caught everything. EVERYTHING. He ran routes so precise that defensive backs are still dizzy. He’s the greatest receiver of all time, and it’s not particularly close. Even in 8-bit form, he was unstoppable.
The Bottom Line
Will pixelated football legends help you break 80? Probably not. But when you skull one into the trees, at least you can pretend you’re running the wrong way like that one guy everyone remembers from Tecmo Bowl.
The Chrome Tour Retro Football collection proves that Callaway understands its demographic: guys who peaked in 1991 and still argue about whether you could beat Mike Tyson in Punch-Out without using any codes.
Callaway Chrome Tour Retro Football golf balls are available now.
The post Callaway Goes 8-Bit with Chrome Tour Retro Football Edition appeared first on MyGolfSpy.
