WWE’s “Biggest Party Of The Summer” is now upon us, and it’s even bigger than usual. It is the first SummerSlam to use the recent two-night model that WrestleMania has used over the last five years.
This is the fourth time that East Rutherford, New Jersey has hosted a SummerSlam, which is weird to me. It will be the first time MetLife Stadium will be the venue, though, with the previous three times in Jersey taking place at the arena currently known as Meadowlands Arena (called Brendan Byrne Arena in 1989 and Continental Airlines Arena in 1997 and 2007). Outside of Los Angeles, California and Brooklyn, New York getting SummerSlam hosting duties from 2009 to 2018, no city in the world has hosted SummerSlam more times than East Rutherford.
Barring any last-minute additions, there are six matches per night this weekend. Tonight’s card features three title matches, one of Roman Reigns’ rare matches in a calendar year, and a celebrity match involving award-winning singer Jelly Roll.
No more wasting time. Let’s rock.
Roman Reigns & Jey Uso vs Bron Breakker & Bronson Reed
Before going any further, I have to admit that I found it hilarious that Bronson Reed is the “Tribal Thief” and wearing Roman Reigns’ shoes around his neck as the “Shoe-la Fala” after stealing said shoes on Raw. That’s amazing. I haven’t laughed that hard since I was a little girl. Thank you.
It has been said a million times that the second most important match on a pay-per-view, after the main event, is the show opener, as it sets the tone for the rest of the night and gets the crowd excited. When Roman and Jey are involved, you’re guaranteed to have an amped up crowd, making this a great choice to kick things off.
It’s worth pointing out that we got an entrance for tonight’s “host,” rapper Cardi B, before the match. Hilariously, she was clearly reading off of a teleprompter or had some cue cards at ringside, just outside of the camera’s view. She needed assistance in deep Shakespearean prose like reminding people where the show is taking place, that SummerSlam is taking place on two nights, that it’s time to kick some ass, and that she’s a fan of Randy Orton. Amazing.
Roman is fighting with both Brons at ringside, and Jey dives on them from the top rope… landing almost exclusively atop Roman. Whoops.
Wanna know how big a star Roman is? Jey gets completely gassed doing his lengthy entrance, which is even lengthier in a gigantic football stadium, but he still has to wrestle the majority of this match and build to a hot tag for his cousin. This is Roman’s fourth match of the year, and first since WrestleMania three-and-a-half months ago. This is literally Jey’s fourth match over the last week. Give the man a break, would ya?
It might be time for the faces to stop doing dives. Roman just cleared the top rope and did a dive onto both Brons, and he almost cleared both of them, as well. He may have brushed arms with Bronson Reed, but otherwise, we just watched Roman do a flying somersault into a flat back bump on the floor.
Okay, I take that back… it might be time for everyone to stop doing dives. Bronson just did a suicide dive to the ringside area, and while he actually took out both of his opponents, he also came very close to face planting right in front of the announce tables. Too much adrenaline right now.
LOL @ Bron Breakker getting a ton of heel heat, until he does the old Kurt Angle “my singlet straps are down, so let me pull them back up, only to pull them right back down to show I mean business” deal, which got a big pop from the crowd.
Roman pushes Jey out of the way of a Bron Breakker Spear, taking the move himself. The distraction allows for Jey to clear things out, eventually landing an Uso Splash on Bronson to get the win for his team. That was a fun match. It wasn’t anything that will change the game, but all four men were allowed to “play the hits” and it got the crowd excited. 3.5 Stars
Raquel Rodriguez & Roxanne Perez vs Charlotte Flair & Alexa Bliss – WWE Women’s Tag Team Title Match
Will the “odd couple” pairing of Charlotte and Alexa continue, or will the inevitable breakup take place? If you believe the rumors, their team wasn’t even supposed to last this long, but their unique chemistry together and crowd responses have given the duo some extra life.
The crowd definitely isn’t anywhere near as loud for this one as they were for the show opener. Not that I was expecting them to be, but it’s still a very noticeable difference.
While the crowd isn’t super hot for this yet, they also haven’t been given much of a reason to be. The two faces are over, but the natural layout of the match has the heels in control on offense, including rest holds.
As I type that, Alexa makes a hot tag to Charlotte, and the crowd is finally excited for something here. It sounds like every bit of 50,000 people doing the “WHOO” along with each of Charlotte’s chops.
DRAMA! Charlotte and Raquel are having a stare down, and Alexa goes to hit Raquel in the back, only for Roxanne to pull Raquel out of the way, causing Alexa to hit Charlotte smooth in the face.
Alexa goes to hit Roxanne with a Sister Abigail, and the camera angle is perfect to show Charlotte get back in the ring behind Alexa, looking angry. As Alexa notices, she turns to Charlotte, only for Charlotte to give Raquel a running boot. Sister Abigail connects, and we have new champions.
The match was decent enough, but again, there was a lot of slow stuff while we waited for the faces to get on the offensive. 3 Stars. It will be interesting to see what kind of title reign the new champions have, and how long it will last.
Sami Zayn vs Karrion Kross – If Sami Wins, Kross Has To Admit He Was Wrong About Him, But If Kross Wins, Sami Has To Admit He Was Right About Him
What a stupid “stipulation” that was. I felt dumber even having to type that out. Will it affect the overall quality of the match? I’m pretty sure it won’t. That doesn’t make it any better, though.
Dueling “let’s go, Sami” and “let’s go, Kross” chants, but the ones for Kross are louder. That continues to be an interesting development.
As the match continues, Sami is working a more aggressive style. He’s even arguing with the Referee, who keeps trying to pull him away from attacking Kross in the ropes.
With Kross down, Scarlett goes to hand a steel pipe to Sami, trying to convince him to turn to the dark side. Sami thinks about it for a minute before tossing the pipe down, which draws boos from the crowd. Helluva Kick to Kross in the corner, and that’s enough to get the win for Sami. That match had no business taking place at SummerSlam. It would’ve been disappointing on television, but that’s where the match belonged if that’s all we were going to get. There wasn’t even much to discuss. I don’t know the exact length, but it felt like it lasted six or seven minutes, much of which was Kross yelling “SAY IT” to Sami over and over again, as well as Sami holding a steel pipe. The likes of LA Knight, Bayley, and many more couldn’t even make a two-night SummerSlam card, but this made the cut? We didn’t even get Kross saying that he was wrong about Sami. 2 Stars
Tiffany Stratton vs Jade Cargill – WWE Women’s Title Match
This is either going to be a fun match between two of the strongest and most athletic women in all of wrestling, or it’s going to be a train wreck. I don’t know if there’s much of a chance of anything in between.
Dueling “let’s go, Tiffy” and “let’s go, Jade” chants break out, and it sounds like the Tiffy chants are a bit louder. She got the louder reaction during the entrances, so that makes sense. We even go to a “yay/boo” strike-a-thon, and that’s also mixed, with yays and boos for both women.
Jade hits Jaded and then rolls through on the pin attempt, CLEARLY grabbing Tiffany’s leg and putting in on the bottom rope to break it up. Come on now. That looked really stupid.
Prettiest Moonsault Ever gets the pin and the win for the champion. The match had its fun moments, showcasing the aforementioned strength and athletic ability from both women, but that’s back-to-back matches that might not have broken the six or seven-minute mark. What the fuck are we even doing here? There are SIX MATCHES on the show. Unless you’re going to have one of them run like an Ironman Match, there’s no reason to have two matches combine to be as long as your typical third or fourth match on Raw or Smackdown during any given week.
2.5 Stars. If it was given more time, I think it could’ve been something better. Dumb, dumb, dumb.
Randy Orton & Jelly Roll vs Drew McIntyre & Logan Paul
I’m glad that Drew McIntyre was able to get his passport issues cleared up and make his way back to the United States. This wouldn’t have been as fun if it was Randy Orton & Jelly Roll vs The Miz & Logan Paul.
Almost everyone in floor seating across from the hard camera was given “Logan Paul Is An Outsider” signs to hold up for this match. This is his 22nd match, folks. Calling him an “outsider” doesn’t make any sense. I get that it’s a “haha” moment because Logan called Jelly Roll an “outsider” in the build here, but it still doesn’t make sense.
Jelly Roll’s entrance music is… “Who’s Your Daddy?” by Toby Keith. Okay then.
Do you know what this show needed? Jelly Roll handling the early chunk of the match. He tagged himself in to start things off, and then refused to tag Orton back in once Drew got in the match. We got an overconfident Jelly Roll talking to Orton in the corner, then charging back to the center of the ring, where he went face-to-chest with Drew. Jelly muttered the word “fuck” and looked scared for a bit. That’s what heels do! Why the fuck is Jelly Roll doing that?!?
I’m not 100% sure, but Jelly Roll may have been in the match for longer than the entire Zayn vs Kross or Stratton vs Cargill bouts. I… I have no idea what WWE is doing.
Logan goes to hit Jelly Roll with a knockout punch, but Jelly moves aside, and the punch connects somewhere on Jelly’s body, even though Michael Cole and Woi Bar-ruh try to convince us that it hit him in the face.
I’m about done with this shit. Logan places Jelly Roll on the announce table for his big elbow drop from the top rope spot. Cameras catch Jelly Roll fixing his clothing and scooting up on the table, all while lifting his head to look right at Logan the entire time. WHY ARE WE GIVING HIM SO MUCH OF THE ACTION HERE?!?!?!? He’s clearly a mega fan of pro wrestling, and he comes across as a truly nice and humble human being, but he’s also not “ready” for a spot like this.
Jelly goes from near death to looking like a superhuman as he fights the refs and officials off when they tried to take him backstage after the elbow drop. He gets the hot tag from Orton, but it doesn’t last long, as he is laid out by Drew. AGAIN, he is shown scooting and scooting and scooting into place, and he takes a Fall From Grace from Logan to give the heels the win.
That was infinitely more “someone pretending to be a wrestler” than “someone being a wrestler.” WWE should be ashamed of themselves for putting him in a position like that, and for putting the match together the way they did. Orton should’ve been in the match for 99% of the time, and Jelly should’ve had one or two spots to pop the crowd, but nothing more. Instead, Orton was barely in the match, and a large portion of the match he was involved in saw the cameras do nothing but focus on Jelly Roll being walked out of the ringside area by refs and officials. 2 Stars, and that’s me being generous and giving credit for the crowd having fun.
So far, this has been the worst WWE pay-per-view in a long, long time. The main event is going to need all-time classic vibes to come close to “saving” the show.
Gunther vs CM Punk – World Heavyweight Title Match
To the surprise of nobody, Punk is getting one of the best crowd reactions of the night.
Very slow pace so far. Again, that’s to the surprise of nobody. The story so far is Punk trying to build momentum, only to be shut down by a thunderous strike from Gunther. It has happened four or five times so far.
The story has switched to Gunther just physically dominating Punk, but Punk will not give up. He keeps fighting back, even though he has taken quite a beating. Punk’s chest is bleeding from Gunther’s strikes. Both men look like they’re wrestling in a sauna, looking like sweaty messes, which is weird, as it’s only 72 degrees (22.2 degrees Celsius) in East Rutherford right now.
The match is building, albeit slowly. If this were any other show, it would be viewed differently. With the way the rest of the show has gone so far, though, some will see this as disappointingly slow.
Gunther is bounced off of the announce table, and his entire face is covered in blood. Initially, it looks like the blood is coming from his forehead, but Gunther is grabbing at his nose and selling it like it’s a nose issue.
Go To Sleep from Punk, and Gunther is staggered… enough to take a second Go To Sleep, and we have a brand new World Heavyweight Champion! Punk is emotional as he is handed the belt, tears welling up in his eyes. Gunther is shown sitting at ringside holding a towel to his nose.
BURN IT DOWN!
As we’re about to go off the air, the music of Seth Rollins plays. Rollins, with a leg brace on, walks out on crutches. He yells at Punk to hold on to the title while he can, and then turns to leave again… only to ditch the crutches and the brace! Rollins is healthy! Seth beats the hell out of Punk with the Money In The Bank briefcase, then officially cashes in. Stomp! New champion, part deux!
Super hot finish to the show. As Seth celebrates, Bron Breakker and Bronson Reed make their way to the ring. Social media was ablaze earlier with on-site reports that said Bron was helped to the back after his match to start the show. Three hours later, he is walking with a heavy limp, and has his right knee wrapped up. Uh-oh. He’s clearly hurt, but the fact that he’s even out there at all right now has to be seen as something of a good sign. For example, if he had a torn ACL or something, they probably wouldn’t have sent him out there. Hell, they might have changed the plans for Rollins altogether if Bron was seriously injured tonight. We’ll see, I guess.
It’s a little weird that there wasn’t a single person available to prevent Rollins from cashing in. Him and his crew have made a lot of enemies recently, but I guess they all went back to their hotel for the night and weren’t there to make the save for Punk.
Gunther vs Punk was really good. Slow, but really good. Incredibly physical contest, with a really good story being told. 4 Stars
That was quite the show. Largely for the wrong reasons, but there’s plenty to talk about, one way or another. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. I’ll be back again tomorrow for night two of SummerSlam, and then again on Monday for my usual weekly column.
